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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta.... I'm doing well, but I do get cannellonli."

"Why do women make such horrible capenters? Because for years men have telling them that |----------------| is 8 inches long."

"Vote for trump Orange is the new black"

"The baby's trying to eat the poinsettia again Well, maybe we should get rid of it The plant? But we just got it . . .Haha yeah, the plant"

"Why doesn't the queen's farts smell? Because it's a noble gas."

"Did you hear about that new Jewish car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up!"

"*uses blood from wounds to write my killer's name on the floor* I...will be...avenged. NO! BAD DOG! DON'T LICK THAT! DADDY NEEDS JUSTICE!"

"Drew Barrymore Now I just need to colour him in"

"Next time you're not feeling hungry, tell yourself you're going on a diet in an hour & you'll unleash the starving African child inside you."

"LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied"