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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that new Jewish car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up!"

"I'm not saying I'm bilingual but if you shout at me in German I'll probably do whatever you want"

"Everytime someone call me fat,I cut myself... A slice of pizza,who want some?"

"If you draw a picture of a butthole on the questionnaire, there's a 95% chance you'll get out of jury duty. Would be 100%. But, Texas."

"Why didn't the tree get any presents for Christmas? He was knotty."

"One thing horror movies have helped me realize is that as a parent, you definitely want to avoid having demonic children"

"I was chatting up this woman. I said, ""You're the sort of woman I could introduce to my mum."" ""Aww,"" she smiled, ""Can you?"" I said, ""Of course, I'll drive us to the cemetery tomorrow."""

"The Walking Dead Even in the apocalypse black guys end up behind bars!"

"There's a brand new cemetery in town Everybody is dying to get in"

"-Can you describe the jellyfish that stung you? -Yes, it looked like a lazy toddler tried to draw an octopus."