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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend asked if I wanted to fast today and I thought she said fist. As a result, she was not amused and she may be pressing charges."

Next Joke
 
"If you're Russian when you go into the bathroom, and Finnish when you come out; what are you while in the bathroom? European"
"What phrase describes both my personal life and how I feel about the /r/Ama-ggedon? Fuck /u/kn0thing"
"""I saw mommy kissing santa claus"" has the same number of syllables as ""I saw someone die at Disney World."" Life's funny like that."
"Did anyone see the lunar eclipse tonight? It was right by 'your anus'."
"My congressman just wrote to tell me if I don't re-elect him, whatever-scares-me-most will probably happen. Send money."
"How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? Wanna go ride bikes?"
"How many dragon ball characters does it take to change a light bulb ? Only one... but it will take a few episodes. ~~The lightbulb saga~~"
"Well they were right. If you shave around it it looks bigger Damn nose.."
"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb *thats not funny*"