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Joke of the Day

"If you're Russian when you go into the bathroom, and Finnish when you come out; what are you while in the bathroom? European"

"Halloween is the second woman's day in the year You can see slutty drunk witches everywhere after dark."

"Why did God create Adam before Eve? To let him get a word in."

"Your face. There's a bat for that."

"Whenever I see a happy couple, smiling, giggling, feeding each other food, whispering sweet nothings, very much in love, I just wish I could give them a lie-detector test."

"Why do pigs have flat snouts? From running in to trees."

"Why did Simba's dad die? He couldn't Mufasa"

"My 5-year-old refused to eat her dinner because Netflix was running slow. At least she picked a worthy cause for her hunger strike."

"Someone's just thrown a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me. I only received super fish oil injuries."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee? Because he started drinking it before it was cool."