154539

Joke of the Day

"Nietzsche's girlfriend said ""honey, what's wrong?"" He replied ""nothing."""

"I wasn't so sure about having a mustache... ...but it's growing on me."

"TIFU getting fired from the calendar factory All I did was take a day off."

"How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office."

"Today I was walking past a car filled with black people and they locked the door when I got close. I felt like a badass until I realized that it was my car."

"Some say the quickest way to mans heart is food. As an experienced heart surgeon, I disagree... It's sex."

"I get SO ANGRY whenever I see someone with their wallet chained to their belt I can't fucking take it"

"I just lost all my Pokemon cards in a house fire. I only have Ash now."

"I found my first grey pubic hair today. I can accept getting old, but it was in my Big Mac."

"I just met a guy addicted to brake fluid. However, he was adamant that he could stop anytime."