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Joke of the Day

"Today I was walking past a car filled with black people and they locked the door when I got close. I felt like a badass until I realized that it was my car."

"You should skydive without a parachute. It's a once in a lifetime experience."

"Female praying mantises bite the heads off males while mating, so if your mantis boyfriend shows up without a head, he was cheating on you."

"When someone is murdered, they always investigate the spouse 1st. That says everything about marriage."

"Women are like draino They will clean you out, but leave you feeling hollow inside"

"NOAH'S GOOGLE HISTORY 1) What is an ark? 2) How 2 build ark 3) Can god just build ark? 4) Are snakes necessary? 5) Is god real or am I high?"

"If you show me a piano falling down a mine shaft... I'll show you Aflat minor."

"Back in Homer's time it was thought that ingesting small burrowing mammals would cure you of any injury. When the prince of Troy was shot with an arrow the doctor prescribed Paris eat a mole."

"*finally gets comfortable with you* *starts whispering in your ear* ""oooo baby I can recite all my phobias in alpha order"""

"Oklahoma Thunder & Miami Heat... Can't tell if they are talking about a weather report or NBA Finals."