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Joke of the Day

"Soldier had his dominant hand blown off Guess you could say it was an explosive breakup"

"Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!"

"I'd never appear on Leno now because I have strict ethical standards, so next time you're watching Leno and you don't see me that's why."

"How's college supposed to prepare you for the real world? All it does is make you tired and stressed out and anxious and nevermind I get it."

"What's brown and sticky? A Stick"

"""WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING. YOU SUCK."" I yell at the football player in the TV as I'm sitting on a couch having cake"

"Why do conspiracy theorists have such long beards? Because they don't know how to use Occam's razor"

"Do you know what ""clitoris"" is in French? Me neither, but I had it on the tip of my tongue yesterday."

"Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them."

"My friend asked me ""what's worse, ignorance or apathy?"" I replied, ""I don't know and I don't care""."