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Joke of the Day

"I'd never appear on Leno now because I have strict ethical standards, so next time you're watching Leno and you don't see me that's why."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, the others a little lighter."

"Really shouldn't If you're always Putin things off, you'll end up Russian."

"Now I'm not saying I'm a good businessman But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President."

"I've just bought a house with period features She hates that nickname."

"What is the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday? Forget it once."

"Your tweet is funny. You didn't hear that short, little exhale through my nose?"

"Massacre between rival musicians at the Symphony Orchestra today, . Authorities have condemned this act of Violins"

"What do you get if you cross Donald Trump with a reddit user? your mother"

"What do you call a Mexican working at Tim Hortons? a Filipino"