120761

Joke of the Day

"Look at each failure as a deposit made into the account that will help you write the check for your next significant success."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anka ! Anka who ? Anka the ship !"

"What do you call war fought with bees? ...Beeological Warfare"

"Why is ISIS going after programs? Because they are executable"

"Star sign logic: Some good things will happen to u and then some bad things will happen. It'll pretty much continue like this until u die."

"According to Verizon, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ."

"How do you tell if your roommate is gay? If his dick tastes like shit."

"What goes stomp, stomp, stomp, squish? An elephant with a wet boot"

"Take your girl camping and your relationship will become more in tents. Not Sorry."

"*gives joke answer to daughter's 75th consecutive question* [20 years later, she's in an office] ""Everyone knows the moon was built in 1973"""