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Joke of the Day

"A large account followed me to thank me for a trophy through DM, then immediately unfollowed me. It must be exhausting to be Twitter elite."

"There is really no easy way to say it, ma'am, but your son has just fallen into the Eyjafjallajokull."

"What award was given to the best knock-knock joke winner? The No-Bell prize."

"So it's the first of October. I wonder if anyone remembered to wake Green Day up?"

"What do you call a meth-head that's been up for 2 weeks? A two-weeker"

"why was six afraid of seven? because seven beats his wife thoroughly and brutally in front of six"

">Get text. Is Letterman. >Pet tricks and chill?"

"Last night, I woke up to the ghost of Gloria Gaynor in my room. At first I was afraid, I was petrified..."

"If Trump becomes president... It would be the first instance of a white billionaire kicking a black family out of public housing."

"Lucy fell in front of the train she screamed out for help ""HELP ME! I DONT WANT TO DIE THIS WAY!!"", so Luke came running over and cut her throat instead. Nice work Luke. You should be more like Luke."