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Joke of the Day

"Aha, I see the Fuck-Up Fairy has visited us again! "

"[pirate ship capturing another ship] Pirate: Prepare to be bored! Other Captain: Don't you mean boarded? *pirate opens stamp collection*"

"While I might feel unsure how to react, my middle finger is well versed in handling stupid people."

"Why don't women fart? They can't shut up long enough to build up pressure."

"I just Googled ""cool new rare diseases."""

"I wanna get in touch with those teachers who told me that I have potential, and be like, ""Ha! I didn't amount to anything! In your face!"""

"A university in the United States was robbed of a whopping $170,000 One student managed to erase his own debt."

"[restaurant] WAITER: And to drink? ME: I'll have a coke and a pepsi. WAITER: Is pep...um...Is cok...ok...Is...I...what.. *waiter spontaneously combusts*"

"What do you call a disappearing President? Hocus POTUS"

"A photon checks into a motel the clerk says, ""Do you have any luggage? If so, I can have the bell hop take it to your room."" The photon replies, ""No, I am traveling light!"""