171150

Joke of the Day

"What is the first derivative of a cow? A prime rib."

"Why was 6 afraid of 7.938? It was being irrational."

"Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is!"

"At what point in listening to your kid whine can you say, ""Sorry. This relationship isn't working out. You should start seeing other moms."""

"If I can eat or drink it in less than two minutes, don't tell me it's 3.5 servings."

"The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway."

"Sometimes when I give money to homeless people, bystanders shout ""Why bother? They're only going to buy drugs or alcohol with it!""... oh, like I wasn't?!"

"..... Ya see we at Microsoft believe in making computing easier! What could be easier for consumers than having only ONE choice of software?!?"

"""Snitches get stitches"" Cute little rhyme.. However I believe, ""Snitches never wake up again"" is more likely to deter snitching..."

"What kind of injury results from having an omega-3 bottle thrown at your head? A super-fish-oil wound"