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Joke of the Day

"Not only do I refuse to take the stairs up to my office, when I'm in the elevator I wish there was a chair in it."

"""2015 AND PETSMART STILL DOESN'T HAVE FITTING ROOMS,"" I say somewhat loudly as Fluffy has to try on sweaters right there in the aisle."

"Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now."

"What do viagra and China have in common? Rigged erections"

"Is your refrigerator running? Because I just might vote for it."

"Seeing your ex with someone uglier than you. Awesome."

"Don't tell me you're fat because obesity runs in your family... Not a damn thing has ever run in your family."

"What did the donkey say to its dick? That's a pretty big donkey dick."

"the average goat is 9 carrots tall if you measure goats in carrots"

"[leaving a party] GF (holding 2 identical jackets): which one is yours ME: whichever one has a pancake in the pocket"