154250

Joke of the Day

"Be a sharp dressed man. Buy a suit made of knives. Scare ur boss into promoting u. Cut everyone's sandwiches for them in the break room."

"*swims up to girl in pool* so do you.. actually this is quite deep jesus *just disappears*"

"How do you get an elephant on a train? You take the ""S"" out of sub, and the ""F"" out of way. [Say it out loud]"

"The Italian faucet.... When it drips it goes wopwopwopwopwopwopwopwop."

"How do you know a girl is too young for you? When you have to make airplane noises to get your dick in her mouth"

"Two deaf guys... Two deaf guys, Ed and Harry, were hanging out talking, when Ed told Harry a joke. Harry laughed so hard he broke three fingers..."

"Your car keys will always be in the same pocket as the hand that's carrying 6 bags of groceries. Always."

"Where do cats go when they die? Purrgatory!"

"Fire alarms are dangerous and should not be in the house. Why? Because when it starts the house is on fire!"

"I wanna be that one kid who.... shows Kim Kardashians kid her sextape"