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Joke of the Day

"VENOM: Time to meet your maker! SPIDER-MAN: The radioactive spider? VENOM: No, like- SPIDER-MAN: My dad? Cuz he's dead. Wow, ur a douche."

"What do you call someone who randomly shows up and drinks your alcohol? Bill Murray."

"Q: What happens when two oxen bump into each other? A: You have an oxident."

"Every day two million Americans play tennis and one million of them lose."

"What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent? Thanks for opening my mind."

"Jesus: ""Is it time for the second coming yet dad?"" God: ""I'll just give Kanye the Holy Spirit. Already thinks he's me."" Both: ""LOLOLOLOL"""

"Kind of morbid (sorry) (From my uncles) Him: Have you ever fucked a dog as long as you wanted? Me: NO! Him: Why'd you stop?"

"I was gonna vote for trump . . . but now i'm kinda on the Pence about it."

"Hispanic magician: ""I will disappear on the count of three. Ready? Uno, dos"" *poof* And just like that he vanished without a tres"

"Once in your life, you'll come across a special person that makes you think the prison food will be worth it."