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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris eats steak for every single meal. Most times he forgets to kill the cow."

"[3 AM] 5yo: *sobbing* Daddy Me: Ughhh..yes, sweetheart, what's wrong? 5yo: I'm lonely... Me: Then, don't ever get married. 5yo: Ok, Daddy."

"I bought a new sex doll... it's so realistic she doesn't wanna have sex with me."

"Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tyred. Alexa gave me that one. Bing Bang boom."

"What do you call a Magician's dog? A Labracadabrador."

"Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs."

"Why can't Russia extradite US top-secret whistle-blowers? Because they're Snowden (snowed-in). To all the folks on the East coast, stay safe and warm."

"Just saw a man wearing a pager. Apparently, he's expecting a very important call from someone in 1994."

"Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" I'm not coming in this morning. (I got some time off now)"

"Whoever said you can't teach an old dog new tricks was so wrong. I taught mine how to play dead and she's been doing it for a year straight."