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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a good looking girl in Wisconsin? A Tourist!"

"What do you call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the galaxy!"

"Hey online media: ""Comfortability"" isn't a word. The noun you're looking for is ""comfort."" And it doesn't need you to give it a fancy hat."

"What's so lame about a duck President? Pieces of bread, quacking, getting into all types of duck antics in the Oval Office! I'm game!"

"the phone in the guy's hand next to me rang, it sounded like my alarm clock, I yelled fuck and smacked it out of his hand on pure reflex"

"*boss at staff meeting* Hey, do you have anything positive to add to this meeting? Yeah, I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open."

"What kind of tea do the crime investigation team drink? A ""casual tea"""

"I wish more people were fluent in silence."

"What do you call a gay date mixer? A meat-and-greet."

"So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles... When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said, It. all. happened. so. fast."