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Joke of the Day

"Desperate to get laid, so I'm going to my next Halloween party dressed as a giant anus ...I hear that hot girls love having sex with assholes"

"I don't go back to my hometown very often because I've burned too many bridges. And also because I am wanted for bridge arson."

"What's the hardest part about being a vegan? Waking up at 5 am to milk the almonds."

"It's like the people who drive Smart cars don't even realize that other cars are an option."

"What would you call Vanilla Ice if he was asian? Yellow Snow."

"My husband picks fights with me like he doesn't even value half of all his assets."

"A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase. I don't think hes alright now."

"A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece ofcelery up his nose. The doctor told him he wasn't eating right."

"What did the guitars do when they were unhappy with their government? Formed a coustic d'etat"

"Obesity cures wrinkles."