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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece ofcelery up his nose. The doctor told him he wasn't eating right."

"Chuck Norris is a vegetarian. Meaning, he does not eat animals until first he puts them into vegetative state with his fists."

"They say never go food shopping when you're hungry but it's been over a week now and every day I just get hungrier."

"Why do blonds have schools underwater. Because deep down, they're not so stupid."

"Use promo code NETFLIX to get 50% off your next midterm or exam Title"

"Why does Michael J. Fox make the best milkshakes? Because he uses the finest ingredients, *asshole*."

"Note to self: before sending that e-mail... Don't ever rely again on the e-mail engine spell check. Latest letter of intent of mine went out with a 'T' instead of a 'G' in ""Best Regards"""

"How did the Neanderthal dad teach his son how to wear underwear? Color coded: ""Yellow in front, brown in the back"""

"What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand."

"My Irish friend was telling me about his uncle. ""My uncle's a cop, you know,"" he said. ""Oh, really?"" ""No, O'Riley."""