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Joke of the Day

"If you never include your body in your selfies, I am forced to assume that you don't have one. Carry on floating head selfie chick."

"I like my women like I like my carrots... Chopped up, in a plastic bag at the back of the freezer."

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."

"What do you call a Roman warrior with hair in his mouth? Gladiator Get it? Glad He Ate Her.."

"Wearing high heels and releasing doves at weddings are so last century. I'll be wearing running shoes and releasing chickens at mine"

"""The best things in life are free."" ~ shoplifters."

"He said the spark between us was gone. So I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up"

"I bet the guy who invented the percent symbol, %, got his inspiration from watching his wife put on a seatbelt"

"How many spiders does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two."

"You know what's funny? Redditors read these jokes no matter what the title"