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Joke of the Day

"My sense of humor is so dark... ... one of these days it's going to get shot by the police."

"The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling ""It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"""

"What do you call the guy you buy your weed from? Your chron-tact."

"Did you hear about the emo pizza? He topped himself."

"I was dismissed from my responsibilities as church usher because I kept using finger guns to point out available seats. * pew pew *"

"The government has officially replaced all measurements of time with fruit. More news at banana."

"Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO? A: There have been sightings of UFOs."

"In Soviet Russia... ...end of joke is when line punches *you*."

"Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them? In a handbag."

"What did Kim say when she found an armpit hair in her margarine container? ... I can't believe it's not butt-hair"