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Joke of the Day

"What did the cannibal get when he showed up late to the luncheon? The cold shoulder."

"Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? ... Incase he got a hole in one. HEHE one of my favs. Whats your fav joke?"

"These boots were made for walking, and that's just what they'll do. One of these day--oh goddamn it. Did you glue these to the floor, Carl?!"

"Why did Gandhi lose the race? I guess he got his fasts mixed up."

"IKEA has invented a half full glass for optimists, that can ALSO serve as a half empty glass for pessimists!!!"

"Never pretend to be something you're not. Unless you're pretending to be sober, in which case that's probably a good idea. Keep doing that."

"Seriously, it's almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower."

"muffin man I was talking to the muffin man he looked kinda sad so I said something wrong? He said, no muffin's wrong"

"I love women, especially the radical feminist types because it is more fun to put them in their place."

"Apple's latest phone is going to be a hit. It's the iPhone Success."