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Joke of the Day

"Never pretend to be something you're not. Unless you're pretending to be sober, in which case that's probably a good idea. Keep doing that."

"While playing the depressing part of a videogame, my close pal Xavier suddenly starts massaging my crotch I've never been so touched on an emotional level."

"Taking the Drivers test made me realize I wanted to be a race car driver..... ......the instructor was surprised at how fast I was driving."

"What did one beef patty say to the other beef patty? Will you be my grill friend?"

"What's worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A baby stapled to ten trees."

"Why do tulips glow? Because they come from bulbs. (This is the only *dad* joke I know.)"

"What do you call Stephen Hawking rolling away from an explosion? Hot wheels (First joke, hope you like it.)"

"5 steps to a happy marriage: 1. Doritos 2. Oreos 3. Pez 4. Mr. Noodles 5. Oops this is my grocery list. 6. Still applicable."

"God talked to Jews like 500 times in the Old Testament, and not one warning about the Nazis."

"The confused radioactive element So there was a radioactive element who was perpetually confused. One fine day, he was asked, ""what do you do?"". ""IDK""."