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Joke of the Day
"A black woman has 5 children, all named Tyrone. How does she tell them apart? Their last names."
Next Joke
"What do a politician and a sperm have in common? One in thousnads has a chance to e a human being. ~Edit: I edited the title."
"*zips up tent* [Wife]: What happened [Me,scratched up & clothes ripped]: I was uh.. *flashback to me being chased by a bee* wrestling a bear"
"Me: kids, your mother & I are in a gang now. There's room for 2 more members Son: but there's 3 of us Me [petting both our dogs]: 3 what?"
"Why is the government encouraging more American made vibrators? They want to increase their gross domestic products."
"Worst thing about having sex with a Canadian girl is having to sit through BOTH of our national anthems before we start."
"""Let the bodies hit the floor, let the bodies hit the floor""- John joyfully sings as he walks off with the 'Caution: wet floor' sign"
"My tweets are only motivational if your motive is to become an asshole."
"Don't mess around with asexuals They don't fuck around."
"How much do drum shaped sofas cost? 5 dollars per-cushion."