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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Addams have the late man arrested? He was expected on Tuesday, but he came on Wednesday."

"So Oscar Pistorious was sentenced to 5 years of prison. In my opinion, his excuse was lame. I don't think he had a leg to stand on."

"What do you call a white supremacist who fights aliens at night? A white power ranger"

"The iCloud leaks weren't an accident at all. It was Apple trying to make up for causing Adam and Eve to have to wear clothes in the first place."

"Why do white girls walk in odd numbers? Because they cant even."

"I wish babies could have babies. Adorable minibabies."

"They should make a movie where a guy takes someone's Ph.D. thesis, edits it one paragraph at a time and turns it into a completely new thesis. It should be called Ship of Thesis."

"ME: haha u dare me to take off all my clothes and run thru this park COP: no ME: wow I cant believe ur making me do this lol COP: I'm not"

"Caught my Vegan roommate... Caught my Vegan roommate crying today while chopping onions. These people are taking it too far now!"

"I found out last night that trail mix makes me gassy. So, in reality, I don't know what the fuck makes me gassy."