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Joke of the Day

"I read my wife's diarrhea She thinks I have dyslexia!"

"I got into a car accident with a midget... He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, ""I'm NOT happy!"" ""Well,"" I replied, ""which one are you?"""

"My friend David lost his ID Now we just call him Dave"

"What does the Redditor do every morning? Hit the snoos button."

"If you hear the words ""oh yeah, suck it"" coming from my bedroom, it's probably just me vacuuming."

"Last night I poured a hot bath, lit candles and turned on the radio. Then I threw them into the bath because I'm a guy and was curious."

"What was the last thing that went through JFK's head? A bullet."

"How does Chris Martin play monopoly? With a paira, paira, pairadice"

"I see your ""long walks on the beach"" and I raise you ""long Segway rides on beach"" *peels off on beach throwing sand in dates face*"

"Well I guess it's time we change Philip Seymour Hoffman's name to Philip Seeyanomour Hoffman!"