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Joke of the Day

"Want to hear a joke about ebola? You probably won't get it."

"I never wear red because I don't want to anger any bulls disguised as cab drivers or businessmen."

"Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don't spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle."

"I have a friend named Tim who is dyslexic and shares too much. We call him Tmi."

"If you can fit all your liquor in a cabinet I question your commitment to alcohol."

"Why did the radiologist break up with the gold digger? Because he saw right through her."

"Photosynthesis is the process used by plants to convert a picture into a thousand words"

"Someone just licked their thumb before handing me a paper. I hope my story inspires other victims to come forward."

"Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could."

"Marriage is like a trip to the museum... You have to be really quiet and you can't touch anything."