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Joke of the Day

"I have a friend named Tim who is dyslexic and shares too much. We call him Tmi."

"I thought about marrying my mom... but Oedipus wrecked it for me."

"History has it wrong, Paul Revere wasn't trying to warn us of an British attack.... He was just selling door to door porn."

"The worst part about being bitten by a venomous spider... ...Is that you're probably Australian"

"I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow."

"I had all these small cheese squares but nothing to put them on. I was really cracka lackin'."

"Why can't Hellen Keller Drive? She's a Woman.... No, Seriously, it's cause she's dead."

"There are 5 flies in the kitchen, which one is the cowboy? The one on the range."

"wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"I think elephants are overprotected But I suppose it's easy for me to say that from my ivory tower."