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Joke of the Day

"Chicks can only stay at their boyfriend's place for about 3 days, then they finally need to go home and use the toilet."

"What's worse than locking your keys in you car outside an abortion clinic? Having to go inside and ask for a coathanger"

"I think Google's a woman... Because it won't let you finish a sentence without coming up with other suggestions."

"Tried to leave a voicemail for my mom but she picked up. I was forced to drop my phone into my purse and shake it around for 10 minutes"

"What's the difference between a duck? One of its legs is both the same. Thought I would join the circlejerk."

"What do you call a black man on the moon... An Astronaut!"

"Where do hippos go to school? The Hippocampus!"

"Guido Mastrobatatti died when he hurt his arm? How? He had elbow-a"

"Worried sick about America's billionaires, you guys"

"The child in me says ""Eat candy for breakfast!"" but the adult in me says ""You're an adult! You can do whatever the fuck you want! Do it!"""