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Joke of the Day

"[inventing dialup internet] What should it sound like when it's connecting? [guy in the back stands up confidently] Pterodactyls"

"Pluto is 4.5 billion years old, but yet it is not allowed to sit at the grown-ups' table."

"Q: Why would you take a hammer to bed? A: So you could hit the sack."

"[first date] HER: You smell so good. What are you wearing? ME: *nodding and sniffing myself* Mashed potatoes with gravy."

"My dad wanted me to play soccer So I kicked him in the crotch. He asked, ""Why did you do that?"" I replied,""That's what you're supposed to do in soccer, right? Kick balls?"""

"The shepherd woke up one afternoon... ""Oh no! I fell asleep! I hope nobody stole my sheep. Let's see 1, 2, *Zzzzzz*"""

"she need some alone time ..:P My girl friend said she needed some ""Alone time"".. So I made her an Orkut account.. :P... tietiefiss.com"

"Q: How many Agents does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Actually agents will screw in just about anything."

"""Daddy, are vampires real?"" ""No, sweetie. Go back to bed."" *waits until daughter is asleep* *grabs red Sharpie* *draws 2 dots on her neck*"

"Are news anchors secretly insulting you? Moron this story at 11."