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Joke of the Day

"Nebraska bill allows K - 12 teachers to carry guns to school. In their defense, it is really hard to get a 9 year old to shut the fuck up."

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"My girlfriend starting putting a miniature Sylvester Stallone doll in the middle of the bed a few months ago Things have been a little rocky between us ever since"
"A Diamond Comes home to his Coal wife and Coal Child He says ""I've been under a lot of pressure lately (Edit: Just realized this was on the front page gaddamit)"
"[Opens hand sanitiser] SUbmiT YoUr SOuL tO EternAL HeLL fiRe [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN"
"""I don't get the fuss about Ronda, I've knocked out plenty of girls"", Cosby states."
"Q: What do you call a woman who marries an old ugly and poor man? A: Stupid!"
"If Bill Clinton gets divorced... Does that mean he's over the Hil?"
"This Subreddit"
"Judge: You stand before me accused of being a duvet. How do you plead? Defendant: Not quilty."
"Jokes to Cheer someone up Okay, my best friend is feeling down, and I want to help cheer her up. Give me your best jokes for the occasion!"