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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between falling from the 2nd floor and the 20th floor? The 2nd floor: (SPLAT) AAAAAaaaaaaaagggghhhhhhhhhhh...... The 20th floor: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! (SPLAT)"

"Are you from Idaho... Are you from Idaho cause I-da-hoe for you."

"Policeman: Didn't you hear me whistle at you? Woman Driver: Sure but I don't flirt when I drive."

"Why are there no female necrophiliacs? Because dead guys can't spend money."

"How do you deal with ignorant people? I really don't know."

"[about to have sex] WIFE: what happened to all the condoms?! [cut to] ME: *making balloon animals at work* [cut back] ME: affair"

"Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog."

"I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher."

"DETROIT: im doing a secret show at 8pm tonigt at a small club dowmtown! mesage me for details!!! ME: omg a talkimg city"

"I don't always eat breakfast... But when I do, I prefer ""dos eggies."""