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Joke of the Day

"[about to have sex] WIFE: what happened to all the condoms?! [cut to] ME: *making balloon animals at work* [cut back] ME: affair"

"What does the Interstellar soundtrack and a porno film have in common? Swelling organs."

"There's an omelet in the fridge. I want it. However, I can't have it... It's eggspired."

"Don't care about baseball, but I love apple pie. Can I still be an American?"

"Why did the Senator get on Viagara? He wanted to achieve erection reform."

"Two fish are in a tank One of them says ""Hey, do you know how to drive this thing?"""

"It's disturbing that when we see a man's mustache fall off we assume it's an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency"

"What's an oldie, but a goodie? A MILF's vagina."

"I sleep better naked. Why is this flight attendant unable to understand that?"

"Reddit is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it."