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Joke of the Day
"My parents tried to surprise me with a car this Christmas... Fortunately they missed."
Next Joke
"Thank you Internet stranger for your honorable proposal of marriage. My folks are so excited. They're asking for Thanksgiving and Easter."
"I just bought bunk beds. The other night I brought a date home. She said, ""I'll get on top."" I said, ""Great, I'll get the ladder."" She said, ""You sure think a lot of yourself, don't you?"""
"People always tell me not to piss in the shower... ...but you know, it's difficult not to when you're taking a shit"
"What's the best rock to sleep on? bed rock"
"Well, America actually did it It Trumped Brexit."
"Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder? He made a spectacle of himself..."
"Imagine a masonry wall... Now, picture just one piece of it... This, my friends, is a mental block."
"Donald Trump is cancelling the Dawn Of Justice movie He's doing it since one of the main characters, Superman, is an illegal alien."
"Google: We know people like jacks, so on our new Pixel phone... We jacked up the price."