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Joke of the Day

"Just had a vegetarian meal with a nonalcoholic beverage at a restaurant whose produce are 80% locally grown. Feeling pretty smug."

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"Different ways to say ""NO"": German: Nein Russian: Niej Arabic: La Women: Yes, but ..."
"I like my beer like i like my violence... Domestic"
"My boss said ""dress for the job you want, not for the job you have"" Now I am sitting in a disciplinary meeting in my Wonder Woman costume."
"If you watch the Game of Thrones backwards a family overcomes near death experiences to reunite happily in a castle (plus dragons shrink)."
"Missionary Impossible: When 2 fat people try to have sex."
"Him: I love redheads. I could totally see you being a great wife. Me: I could totally see you being a great chalk outline."
"My friend handed out wedding invitations at her baby shower, like the classless knocked up slut she is."
"Shout out to bicyclists that yell ""on your left"" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with."
"My wife was shocked when she found out I switched her vibrator with a taser."
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