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Joke of the Day

"Just had a vegetarian meal with a nonalcoholic beverage at a restaurant whose produce are 80% locally grown. Feeling pretty smug."

Next Joke
 
"What superheroes refuse to fight in North Carolina? The X-Men"
"Her: I can't believe you slept with her! Me: WE WERE ON A BREAK! Her: I just went to the store to buy bread! Me: Longest six minutes ever"
"What would Voldemort name his pet tortoise ? Voldetort."
"[reading book report] ME: Beyowulf is the story of a guy that turns into an wolf when he hears Beyonce TEACHER: Wrong. ME: Well, I tried."
"Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: A Rip Off"
"Why do they allow people in wheelchairs to bring carry-ons onto a plane? Aren't they themselves a carry-on?"
"What do a 275lb white lady and a 275lb cinder block have in common? A Mexican is going to lay them one day"
"I hate people who have a great timing with jokes. When I do it I get responses like ""Who are you and why are you at my grandma's funeral?"""
"What is a duck's favorite drug? You might think it's quack, but it's actually mariwaddle..."