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Joke of the Day

"What do <school name> cheerleaders and a shotgun have in common? Give them 2 cocks and they'll blow."

"Have you heard the slogan for Charles Dickens Brand Hard Cider? There is nothing quite like a hard Dickens' Cider!"

"I once dated a homeless girl. splitting the bill wasn't always easy but at least after our date I could drop her off anywhere."

"I got my kid a puppy as a present, but it died before Christmas... FML, now I'm stuck taking care of a puppy. Edit: For those worried about the kid, it's ok. He was an adopted ginger, so no big deal."

"What is Cthulu's favorite pizza? deep dish"

"Friend: What time is it? Me: (pulls out phone, checks Twitter and Facebook notifications, puts phone away) Friend: Well? Me: Well what?"

"My ex has become so poor whenever i call her she always says ""please,leave me a loan"""

"Why don't hipsters shoot heroin? It's too mainstream"

"*gives up horoscopes for Lent *caves and reads horoscope ""You are weak willed and lack conviction"""

"I apologize for pinching your lips closed when you started telling me about your kids"