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Joke of the Day

"I like my Presidents like I like my porn saved"

"*shakes the ATM like it's a vending machine*"

"In the Ben Affleck version, Batman's parents kill themselves."

"My left butt cheek was hurting pretty bad earlier, so I asked my girlfriend to massage it for me. I told her... that I didn't want it half-assed."

"What did Robin Williams do when he got to his office early? He hung around until his assistant arrived"

"Most disgraceful joke I want to hear jokes that make your stomach churn, cringe, the most racist/sexist joke, jokes about absolutely everything and anything. I want them bad"

"I like my sentences like I like my women: awkward but with good colon usage and regular periods."

"What do you call a quantum physicist's hair style? Schrodinger's cut"

"George washington said ""We would have a black president when pigs fly!"" ... well, swine flu."

"Those who say ""two wrongs don't make a right"" have obviously never tried ranch dressing on french fries."