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Joke of the Day
"She blinded me with science. Fine, it was mace, but she sprayed it very scientifically."
Next Joke
"She sent me a text saying she wearing something special for me... but every time I ask her what, she says ~ Nothing."
"My Birthday For my birthday I asked for a bicycle, an action man, and a vibrating butt plug... I never got that bike."
"Why is your bio written in English but your tweets written in spaghetti?"
"What's gonna happen if Hilary Clinton gets elected as President. The kitchen staff are gonna wonder why she's missing."
"Next time you think you're weird think about how Walt Disney had a fetish for ducks and mice in high heels and shitload of mascara."
"What did the neckbeard say to the mosquito? M'laria"
"McDonald's is coming out with a Michael Jackson burger... ...it's a 40 year-old piece of meat sandwiched in between two eight year-old buns."
"JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa"
"Mob Boss: I need you to smoke this guy. Me: Ok, that takes 8-12 hours for a turkey though. Mb: I don't care just get it done."