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Joke of the Day

"She sent me a text saying she wearing something special for me... but every time I ask her what, she says ~ Nothing."

"Greatest joke ever !!! My life"

"There's a band called 1023 MB. They haven't had a gig yet."

"Pointed out my kids real dad to them at the car wash today. None of us are sure if I'm kidding."

"What's the difference between a prostitute with diarrhea and an epileptic corn-husker? One of them has the fits while shucking."

"Saw a sign that said ""Join a 5k run! Fight childhood obesity!"" Shouldn't the kids just run it themselves?"

"The teacher asked Jimmy ""Why is your cat at school today Jimmy?"" Jimmy replied crying, ""Because I heard my daddy tell my mommy, 'I am going to eat that p*ssy once Jimmy leaves for school today!'"""

"I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits..... He said 'how flexible are you?' I said 'I can't do Thursdays.' Credit: Tommy Cooper"

"Why couldn't the melons run away and get married? They cantelope."

"A Texan says to a Harvard student... Texan: where are ya from? Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions. Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?"