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Joke of the Day

"You only live once, so don't forget to spend 16 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers."

"You're right, strange woman giving me your opinion on having tattoos. I regret them right now because they caused you to talk to me."

"I do not like them in my inbox. I do not like them from a blond fox. I do not like your webcam spam. I do not like them, Scam I Am."

"What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *thwack* fuck... A skydiver goes FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *THWACK*"

"Welcome to thievery club. Please take a seat."

"Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? He didn't have the guts."

"Ill never try suicide again! Last time I almost killed myself"

"I went to the zoo yesterday, but the only animal they had was a small dog. It was a shih-tzu."

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man."

"Wife: I left the kids with you for a half hour & they dumped 3 pounds of sugar in the dryer trying to make cotton candy. Me: Did it work?"