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Joke of the Day

"(first date) Me: *hyperventilating* Him: Don't be nervous. Take a deep breath. Me: Can't. I'm wearing three pairs of Spanx."

"What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 70? Your honor."

"I like my women how I like my computer Broken, dead, and in the basement."

"The definition of Irony: Your job sucks Your kids suck Your life sucks Your wife...doesn't"

"What do blondes and computer have in common? You never appreciate them until they go down on you. [Source](http://www.vice.com/kids-telling-dirty-jokes/david-741) edit: computers"

"Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it's like a high-five for your feet."

"How many DUIs does Tony Hawk have that he has to ride everywhere on a skateboard?"

"How do you end a relationship fight? You break it up."

"Another joke thread...What's your best: I'm as/so angry ________ (or variant) Here's mine: I'm more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out birthday candles."

"And God promised men that... Good and obedient wife's would be found in all corners of the world.........Then he made the world round....and laughed and laughed and laughed..."