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Joke of the Day
"I'm going to tweet with my left hand so it feels like someone else is tweeting about me."
Next Joke
"12: ""Why don't girls like playing dodgeball?"" Because we don't like getting hit by balls. 12: *giggles for 5 minutes* You are so my child"
"Just had a very embarrassing misunderstanding with my new Irish girlfriend. Turns out she just wanted me to take her in the Yaris."
"""Oh my god!"" responded the mother as she heard the news. ""Will my son be an alkyne forever?"" ""It's even worse,"" the doctor said, ""he's terminal."""
"Don't trust atoms. Seriously, don't. They make up everything."
"If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, no question, I would want to be alive."
"SSBM players: what's it called when Fox McCloud and Falco Lombardi shoot up a school? Columshine"
"When is a door, not a door? ... when it's ajar."
"Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children."
"That awkward moment when both your knees are bruised, but all you did was gardening.."