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Joke of the Day

"It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I've turned myself around."

"Me: How old is your daughter? Her: She'll be 4 next week. Me: *audible sigh (Slowly, emphatically): OK. But I asked how old is she... NOW."

"Boob Size Grades A ---> Almost Boobs B ---> Barely there C ---> Can't Complain! D ---> Damn! DD ---> Double damn! E ---> Enormous! F ---> Fake G ---> Get a reduction!"

"I saw a tree harassing people today... So I told it to leaf them alone."

"Why aren't there any introverted suicide bombers? They have a hard time sharing what's inside with strangers."

"I walked in on my roommate masturbating in the shower I said ""Mate, that's disgusting"" Him: ""Fuck off I can wash it as fast as I like!"""

"If dolphins are so smart, how come they're never on Jeopardy?"

"What does a pickle use to make bread? Dill Dough."

"I am still paying... A little boy asked his father, ""Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"" Father replied, ""I don't know son, I'm still paying."""

"Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics? Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration. (all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)"