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Joke of the Day

"What's one thing that a beautiful woman and a jar of peanut butter have in common? They can both make me swell up to 3 times my normal size."

"I'm reading a book about sufferers of tourettes syndrome... I want to know what makes them tic."

"A little girl asked her Dad one day, ""Dad, do all fairy tales begin with Once upon a time?'"" Her Dad replied, ""No honey, some of them begin with If I'm elected.'"""

"They're not going to grow bananas any longer. Really? Why not? Because they're long enough already."

"I put a wooden desk and a blackboard in my bedroom. You know, to make it more classy."

"Who was the only novelist with both direction and magnitude? Vector Hugo."

"A midget walks into a bookstore... ...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.' The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'"

"With the 1st overall pick in the Whose Line is it Anyway fantasy tennis draft Is Wayne Brady gonna have to Djokovic?"

"[pitch meeting] Okay so it's a ton of dogs. Dalmatians. 100 of 'em. I call it ""100 Dalmatians."" [idea man pipes in] Let's think bigger"

"Confused.com adverts They're kinda confusing"