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Joke of the Day

"The sign down the highway said ""Don't be a turkey, don't text and drive"" They misspelled vegetable."

"There really isn't a good way to tell your boss you hate him and want him eaten by hyenas."

"HATE when this happens: Get in Bed. Get perfectly comfortable. Suddenly must pee."

"Parties: for those times you're just dying to clean up twice in twelve hours."

"What's red and moves up and down? A tomato in an elevator :)"

"What do you say when you see your television floating in the night? Drop it, nigga! What do you say when you see your refrigerator floating in the night? Nothing. That's a big-ass nigga."

"Did you hear about the lonely cow that joined a dating website? She was searching for her udder half."

"Why are Redditors naturally great at swordfighting? They practice riposting all the time."

"Mrs. Smith: Help me doctor! My son John swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!"

"How do you know its noon on an Apple Watch? The screen stays black when you check the time."