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Joke of the Day

"Wanna hear me read a receipt from a trip to the grocery store? That's how interested I am in listening to the details of your workout."

"the divorce rate among my socks is astonishing"

"Why does Spider-Man only drink Kool-aid? Because with grape powder comes great responsibility."

"Why do demons love apostrophes? They show possession."

"Spoiler Alert I just watched Fast and Furious the other day, and I just couldn't get into it because there were too many spoilers."

"it's just so crazy to think that kids born in 14 will be turning 2000 this year"

"Rick Astley told me that you could borrow any of his Disney movies, except Up He's never gonna give you Up..."

"I asked the librarian for a book on the Ebola virus. She said, ""It's in Siera Leone at the moment, but it should be here within the next few days!"""

"My girlfriend wouldn't let me play orchestral music during sex... We eventually came to an arrangement."

"If Mississippi wears her New Jersey, what does Delaware? I dunno, Alaska."