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Joke of the Day
"What do you call a country where everyone is pissed? A urination."
Next Joke
"Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?"
"What is E.T. short for? So he can fit on a spaceship."
"I hate it when homeless people shake their change cups at me. I get it, you have more money than me. No need to be a dick about it."
"DR DOG: The test results came back. PATIENT: Oh God DR DOG: The tumor is-- *sees a squirrel out the window and takes off*"
"""Be cool, it's the cops"" I said to my 3 cats I dressed up like robbers as my other 3 cats came out of the kitchen dressed like policemen"
"Why did the lemon turn green? Because he had lime disease"
"While shopping, look for this marker on where the gluten free aisle is at. You'll see a man with a gun to his mouth. Because, you know, bullets are gluten free."
"""The best part of waking up was the Folgers in my cup"" - Suicide note, first draft"
"How do polish people show gratitude? They say thansk."