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Joke of the Day

"DR DOG: The test results came back. PATIENT: Oh God DR DOG: The tumor is-- *sees a squirrel out the window and takes off*"

"Pizza is like sex If you're going to use barbecue sauce, you need to know what you're doing."

"Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian."

"I've never had anyone at hello."

"Q: How do you catch an orange elephant? A: I don't know. I've never seen an orange elephant."

"What does a Gorilla attorney study? The Law of the jungle!"

"What fetish does winners hate the most? The feet"

"Im going to nickname my penis 'The Truth'... ...Because you want the truth, but you can't handle the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts."

"What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini."

"Ted Cruz is complaining about ""liberal fascism,"" so I guess he's just stringing random unrelated words together, like ""potato doorknob."""