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Joke of the Day

"Although it may be true that I don't have a lot of friends, I do however have a significant amount of strangers that don't bother me."

"What do you call a racist police officer? A Police Officer"

"I lent my cell phone to my cousin, but he kept going to out-of-service areas causing me to receive extra charges on my monthly bill... So I call him and say ""Ay cousin! Stop Roman around!"""

"Did you hear about the arms dealer who's giving away M18 Claymores with every purchase? Oh, I'm gonna get mines."

"I can see six years into the future. I must have 2020 vision."

"Peter Pan escaped the adult world... ...by becoming an alcoholic. He goes by Peter the Panhandler now."

"Wife: every time we argue, you think you're right. Me: yes, because if I thought you were right, I wouldn't be arguing..."

"Have you heard of the famous cow? He's legendairy"

"It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby."

"Watching my son's soccer game in the cold and rain cuz I'm a good Mom. From my heated car cuz I'm not a total idiot."