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Joke of the Day

"...and the award for best lead actress in a dramatic role goes to me for ""I Have A Sinus Infection, Why Don't You Care That I'm Dying"""

Next Joke
 
"What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? Irrelevant!"
"Barista: ""Welcome to Starbucks!"" Me: ""Large coffee please."" B: ""It's venti!"" Me: ""Then close all the windows after you get my large coffee."""
"why didn't jimmy drive the tractor? Because he had no legs. Why didn't he have any legs? Because he was a potato."
"My autobiography will be a single piece of paper that says 'Ugh'"
"We should re-fi, so we can get some hi-fi and watch sci-fi on the wi-fi."
"Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: ""Do you serve lawyers here?"" ""Sure."" ""Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."""
"Do you want to hear a trick to get a head in life? Murder"
"One day, I hope you choke on all the shit you talk."
"I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it just changes the color of the baby."